Today I officially finished the Winter Semester 2010/2011 at Justus-Liebig! It is so nice to be free and to not have to think about Klausuren or Hausarbeiten! The weather seemed to know how I felt and was sunny and warm. I went for a long jog in the woods. The air was so refreshing and I was almost too warm in my hoodie. I can feel spring in the air! It is so weird to think that already the winter has passed and so has six months here in Germany.
I have so many exciting things ahead of me in the next month! Mom and Dad are coming to visit a week from Friday. I have a bunch of things planned for them. However, I have kept it simple as I know they like it. Then the same day they fly back home to the USA, I am flying to Israel! The trip was very spontaneous and I don't think I thought it through much. I found a really cheap ticket, talked it over with Adam and parents and bought it! I don't really know what I am going to do or where I am going to go. All I know is that I have a ticket and I am going! Adam has tried to get me into contact with some people he knows there and I hope that goes through. Otherwise, I will be staying in youth hostels or couch surfing. I am excited and bit scared. I have never done anything like this before. Sure, I have traveled through Hong Kong alone and found my way from Frankfurt to Giessen. However, going alone into the Middle East without knowing anyone there really and having no plan is something totally different! I am not sure if I am being adventurous or just crazy!
I am looking forward to learning more about the conflict in Israel and perhaps beginning to understand what the people are going through. However, the thing that I am looking the most forward to is meeting new PEOPLE! One of the joys of my life is meeting new people and learning new things from them. The world is so full of wonderful people but I never cease to be amazed as I keep meeting them. I don't want this trip to Israel just to be a vacation. I want it to be an opportunity for me to love and bless people. I want to be able to share Christ with those I meet. In fact, I want the focus of my whole life to be about Christ and his Kingdom.
I recently have been reading a lot of Dietrich Bonhoeffer because I did research paper on him. He talked about how Christians often focus so much on themselves and their own sinfulness compared to God that they forget what being a Christian is really about - glorifying God and working for his Kingdom here on earth. Basically what that means is bringing glory to God by loving everyone around you so that they feel and come to know the love of Christ. Love is such a powerful thing and there is nothing the love of Christ can't heal.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Musings
Today I realized I haven't blogged in a while and so I thought I might procrastinate from my other work a bit and do so. Well, life in Gießen goes on. The days pass and are filled with wonderful people, speaking German, stressful situations, classes, tests, coffee, buses, trains, reading and praying. My life in Germany feels so normal. What I do every day is my "normal" and it is my daily routine in my "home." After living in a place 6 months I think I have the right to say that.
Sometime I think about Milwaukee fondly. I miss taking bus 60 to UWM and finding just enough time to squeeze in a cup of Alterra coffee. I also miss sitting in the Grind with my wonderful friends. However, my time here is also blessed and filled with many memorable things. Today I studied for an exam with two lovely girls and then took the bus to babysit. I babysit every Wednesday for a family from Benin. They have two sons, one is 5 and the other is 2 (I think). I had the most delightful evening with them! We sang songs, danced, read books (in German) and played with toys that made the loudest sounds. Then I had dinner with the family, during dinner the parents started singing a French worship song from Benin and those sweet babies started dancing! It was so precious I honestly can not describe it.
I know it's a long way down the road but I really do want children! I know that God made me to be a mother because he has given me such a love and compassion for children. I just want to love them the rest of my life. I am not going to my evening class tomorrow so I will be able to go to Cafe Hope! I am so excited because I have not been able to go this whole semester. I will be able to see the family I babysit for and be able to meet some new children! I am ready for this semester to be done. I have just three more exams and two more papers to write. One of the papers isn't due until March 31st but I want it done before that.
I am so thankful because God has given me such a joy for life these last days. When I really think about it, I should be so stressed out. Oddly enough though I find myself completely normal. Actually, I should say abnormal just because the normal for me is stressing out. :)
"He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth; he saves them from the clutches of the powerful. So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth."
Job 5:15-16
Sometime I think about Milwaukee fondly. I miss taking bus 60 to UWM and finding just enough time to squeeze in a cup of Alterra coffee. I also miss sitting in the Grind with my wonderful friends. However, my time here is also blessed and filled with many memorable things. Today I studied for an exam with two lovely girls and then took the bus to babysit. I babysit every Wednesday for a family from Benin. They have two sons, one is 5 and the other is 2 (I think). I had the most delightful evening with them! We sang songs, danced, read books (in German) and played with toys that made the loudest sounds. Then I had dinner with the family, during dinner the parents started singing a French worship song from Benin and those sweet babies started dancing! It was so precious I honestly can not describe it.
I know it's a long way down the road but I really do want children! I know that God made me to be a mother because he has given me such a love and compassion for children. I just want to love them the rest of my life. I am not going to my evening class tomorrow so I will be able to go to Cafe Hope! I am so excited because I have not been able to go this whole semester. I will be able to see the family I babysit for and be able to meet some new children! I am ready for this semester to be done. I have just three more exams and two more papers to write. One of the papers isn't due until March 31st but I want it done before that.
I am so thankful because God has given me such a joy for life these last days. When I really think about it, I should be so stressed out. Oddly enough though I find myself completely normal. Actually, I should say abnormal just because the normal for me is stressing out. :)
"He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth; he saves them from the clutches of the powerful. So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth."
Job 5:15-16
Sunday, January 16, 2011
A Sunny Day in Gießen :)
Gosh, so many things to do and so many things on my mind! I have 6 exams coming up next month, a German presentation on Thursday, lesson plans to prepare, and ...probably a bunch of things I'm forgetting! Alas, this is the life of a college student especially one like me that doesn't know how to say "No, sorry I'm too busy." I think that learning to say "no" is a long way coming for me. However, between all the madness I am loving and enjoying life! I know that everyone has busy times in their lives once in a while. Today I realized that despite the craziness you can really enjoy every minute of it. It's a mind set I think. When I just decide that I am not going to let something stress me out it helps a lot!
My friend Kevin and I took a walk through the countryside today. It was a beautiful sunny day and the melted snow left behind a green grass bursting with life! Even though I had a lot to do I just couldn't stay inside! I never thought I would see such beauty in Gießen! No offense but it is not the most aesthetically pleasing place. Kevin and I just wandered around. We passed an old U.S. Army Depot and went into a little German town. We walked through fields with newly turned soil and sleeping orchards that I am sure yield delicious apples in the fall! We stopped to observe a noisy flock of hens and roosters. Kevin liked them more than me and snapped some pictures. It was so beautiful and the air was so fresh! It was then I realized how important it is to take time to enjoy life, to be still and not let your business overcome you. It was truly a wonderful time and a beautiful memory.
On another note, my family has been on my mind a lot. They are in Guatemala right now and will be there until Monday. This the first time my little brother and two little sisters have been outside the United States of America. I am so excited for them! I am praying they have a wonderful, blessed time and really learn a lot. Even though the time is so short, I think that it is such a good thing to be taken out of your own, familiar context and be placed somewhere completely foreign and new. Guatemala especially presents a stark contrast because it is different than anything they could ever see in Milwaukee. They are there visiting the family of a pastor that is very dear to our hearts. His daughter lived with us for 6 months about 10 years ago and recently their older son passed away in a horrific car accident. My parents felt strongly that they should go down there and be with the family. They felt a connection to them because of our loss of Caleb. I really pray they can be a blessing and I know beyond a doubt they will be blessed by the family as well. Being away from my family for almost 6 months now makes me realize, really realize with all my heart that I love them so much. They are my treasure in this world. I am so immensely blessed.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I'm Back!
Wow, it's weird but I feel like I'm actually home after being away from Gießen for two weeks. It's weird how accustomed you can get to a place. I walked home from the train station last night around 11pm and was welcomed by a light warm rain. The night was so pleasant that I took off my hat and jacket. It is strange to feel so familiar with a place that was completely unfamiliar four months ago.
Traveling for two straight weeks was amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Being able to spend time with Leilah was so encouraging. I don't know what I would do without my loving Christian friends. We spent three days in Paris mostly eating crepes and drinking coffee. We were the kind of tourists (even though I hate that term) that simply looked at the outside of pretty buildings, avoiding long lines and entrance fees.
Our time in London was nice but very hard on our bank accounts. I think London is the most expensive city I have ever been in! We basically did the same as we did in Paris. Drank coffee. Looked at pretty buildings. We read our Bibles, prayed, and talked about God. I love doing these things with Leilah! We brought in the New Year by eating falafel, going to see "Grease" the musical, and then coming back to our hotel room and celebrating with wine and chocolate (and might I add...cheap, disgusting wine!). This may sound lame but we were out like logs at like 12:15am on New Years! :D
I think Dublin was our favorite city. Even though it is not as extravagant as Paris and London it is homey and the people are so warm. After being in France and England a warm, smiling face is almost shocking. One night we were sitting in a pub and my camera was resting on the table. A random woman walking past said, "Hey! I can take a picture of you guys if you want!". I couldn't believe it! The Irish truly are kind people. We took a day trip through the Irish countryside as well. Breathtaking. It was so green even in January! There were rolling hills with amazing shades of brown, gray, blue, and green. Our guide said that in the summer when the heather is blooming the hills blaze with purple. I would love to see that! Yes, Ireland was beautiful and a perfect way to end our time together.
However, Leilah and I did not only see beautiful places together but we talked about beautiful things. We talked about what it really means to implement God's word in our lives. We are still figuring so much out. What does it mean to truly live for Christ and in complete abandonment of everything else? Leilah lent me a book to read called "Radical" by David Platt. I read it so quickly, almost soaking it in! David Platt talks about so many things that just make sense. He wrote that the "American Dream" of wanting accumulate wealth and build oneself up is not biblical. Jesus's whole message was to live a life of love and give to the poor, orphaned, and widows. He came to earth not to accumulate wealth but to give it. Reading this book and seeing life from this perspective makes me analyze my life in a new way. Am I just accumulating worldly wealth and holding on to my possessions? What am I doing with the stuff that I have and how can I better use the resources God has given me?
It is true that as a college student I do not have a lot of money and my income is almost entirely financial aid based. However, if I only bought what I really NEEDED and stopped buying little things that I just want, I would have so much to give away. I could give away the money that I would spend on boots to fund a child in Africa every month - and that little bit of money would make a world of difference to that child while I could live without new boots.
Another thing that David Platt wrote about was the concept of holiness. He wrote that holiness is defined not by what you don't do but by what you do. Jesus never intended Christians to merely go to church every Sunday, sit in their comfy seats, and obey all the rules. He didn't do that. Jesus went OUT to the people. He sat with them and talked with them...he LIVED with them. He was relational with people and through those relationships people began to see who he was. This is exactly what we as Christians are called to do. We are called to go out.
Traveling for two straight weeks was amazing and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Being able to spend time with Leilah was so encouraging. I don't know what I would do without my loving Christian friends. We spent three days in Paris mostly eating crepes and drinking coffee. We were the kind of tourists (even though I hate that term) that simply looked at the outside of pretty buildings, avoiding long lines and entrance fees.
Our time in London was nice but very hard on our bank accounts. I think London is the most expensive city I have ever been in! We basically did the same as we did in Paris. Drank coffee. Looked at pretty buildings. We read our Bibles, prayed, and talked about God. I love doing these things with Leilah! We brought in the New Year by eating falafel, going to see "Grease" the musical, and then coming back to our hotel room and celebrating with wine and chocolate (and might I add...cheap, disgusting wine!). This may sound lame but we were out like logs at like 12:15am on New Years! :D
I think Dublin was our favorite city. Even though it is not as extravagant as Paris and London it is homey and the people are so warm. After being in France and England a warm, smiling face is almost shocking. One night we were sitting in a pub and my camera was resting on the table. A random woman walking past said, "Hey! I can take a picture of you guys if you want!". I couldn't believe it! The Irish truly are kind people. We took a day trip through the Irish countryside as well. Breathtaking. It was so green even in January! There were rolling hills with amazing shades of brown, gray, blue, and green. Our guide said that in the summer when the heather is blooming the hills blaze with purple. I would love to see that! Yes, Ireland was beautiful and a perfect way to end our time together.
However, Leilah and I did not only see beautiful places together but we talked about beautiful things. We talked about what it really means to implement God's word in our lives. We are still figuring so much out. What does it mean to truly live for Christ and in complete abandonment of everything else? Leilah lent me a book to read called "Radical" by David Platt. I read it so quickly, almost soaking it in! David Platt talks about so many things that just make sense. He wrote that the "American Dream" of wanting accumulate wealth and build oneself up is not biblical. Jesus's whole message was to live a life of love and give to the poor, orphaned, and widows. He came to earth not to accumulate wealth but to give it. Reading this book and seeing life from this perspective makes me analyze my life in a new way. Am I just accumulating worldly wealth and holding on to my possessions? What am I doing with the stuff that I have and how can I better use the resources God has given me?
It is true that as a college student I do not have a lot of money and my income is almost entirely financial aid based. However, if I only bought what I really NEEDED and stopped buying little things that I just want, I would have so much to give away. I could give away the money that I would spend on boots to fund a child in Africa every month - and that little bit of money would make a world of difference to that child while I could live without new boots.
Another thing that David Platt wrote about was the concept of holiness. He wrote that holiness is defined not by what you don't do but by what you do. Jesus never intended Christians to merely go to church every Sunday, sit in their comfy seats, and obey all the rules. He didn't do that. Jesus went OUT to the people. He sat with them and talked with them...he LIVED with them. He was relational with people and through those relationships people began to see who he was. This is exactly what we as Christians are called to do. We are called to go out.
Thursday, December 16, 2010
Can't Focus!
So, I have a homework assignment due tomorrow and I just can't focus! I also skipped two classes today! Can't believe I am such a bad a student. I am feeling a bit guilty right now. Anyways, I have been having so many different emotions lately. I have been thinking a lot about Caleb. I just get in these moods where I just want to hug him and to see him and to hear his voice. I know that this a healthy part of grieving someone you love. I know this is something natural but it doesn't change how much it hurts sometime. It's hard to explain really. Sometimes I just really long for his presence. Now that it has been almost four years the shock of his death has worn off and all that is left is an aching feeling. I don't want to sound depressing or anything but I just really need to write about how I feel right now. I am really not sure what brings on these times of my life where I just really miss him. But this time I think I actually know. It is kind of weird but I will write about it anyways. I want my brother here to protect me.
It sounds odd but it is something very real to me. Lately, there has been a lot of creepy guys in my life. I want my brother to be here to say, "Hey, back off! That's my sister! You better not even look at her." I really, really want that. I just want him to take care of me and to adore me as his "little sister". I want to be a "little sister" with a big, strong, capable older brother! I know that God is good. No matter what, I will never doubt that. But I feel like one of the most special people in my life is just gone. Someone that I would have loved to get to know deeper and deeper as we lived life and grew older. Some days the pain is real and so raw. I don't know what I would do if I didn't know that God is always going to be here to protect me. Even though I long for the physical protection of my brother, God will always be at my side. He is the one I rely on and he is my strength. Like the song, "Blessed Be Your Name" by Matt Redman says, "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name." My heart chooses to say thank you Lord. My heart chooses to fall more and more in love with Jesus and know him more. I know that God is the only one who can heal my aching heart and truly comfort me.
It sounds odd but it is something very real to me. Lately, there has been a lot of creepy guys in my life. I want my brother to be here to say, "Hey, back off! That's my sister! You better not even look at her." I really, really want that. I just want him to take care of me and to adore me as his "little sister". I want to be a "little sister" with a big, strong, capable older brother! I know that God is good. No matter what, I will never doubt that. But I feel like one of the most special people in my life is just gone. Someone that I would have loved to get to know deeper and deeper as we lived life and grew older. Some days the pain is real and so raw. I don't know what I would do if I didn't know that God is always going to be here to protect me. Even though I long for the physical protection of my brother, God will always be at my side. He is the one I rely on and he is my strength. Like the song, "Blessed Be Your Name" by Matt Redman says, "You give and take away, my heart will choose to say, Lord blessed be your name." My heart chooses to say thank you Lord. My heart chooses to fall more and more in love with Jesus and know him more. I know that God is the only one who can heal my aching heart and truly comfort me.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Some Scattered Thoughts
I am in a writing mood so I figure, I should probably take advantage of it! I have been in Germany about 3 months now and have turned 21! It's weird how fast time goes! I am enjoying every minute of my time here even when it get's a bit stressful. I always feel a bit stressed on Tuesdays because I teach English in a little town near Gießen and getting there includes a bus and a train. I guess I just feel that it takes a lot of effort. I do enjoy teaching though and am so thankful that I have this opportunity. In fact, as I was locking up the tutoring center today I started thinking about how the heck I even got this job. I then remembered that I had prayed for something like this and how random it was to meet a woman in my class who just so happened to own a language center and need a teacher. I realized in that moment this job is another answer to prayer. I am very thankful for it despite the lesson planning and extra traveling on Tuesday.
Actually, something really cool has come out of my Tuesday train rides. I take the 12:28pm train every Tuesday from Gießen to Butzbach (the town where I teach). The second time I took the train I met a Pakistani-German woman. We had a really interesting conversation and now we meet weekly on the train. We only have a 10min talk or so before I reach my stop but it was so wonderful to meet her! I am still trying figure out if meeting people is really just random or if God has a plan and a purpose for every single person He puts in our way. I wonder.
Now that the snow has come (beautiful loads of it!), I have a new favorite thing to do. It's a bit cold and icy to go running so I enjoy taking brisk walks in the woods. I especially love when no one is around and I can just breath in fresh air and hear the silence of the woods. It is so peaceful! One time as I was walking along I decided that I would try praying out loud. I began quietly at first, but then I just started talking to God like He was walking right next to me. I just started pouring my heart out to Him and holding nothing back. One time I was talking to Him and realized I was not being completely honest about something. I started laughing because obviously He already knows what's really in my head! I love doing this. I feel so close to Him and my mind doesn't wander as it sometimes does when I just pray silently. When I have this time with God in the woods, afterward I always feel like singing and dancing! Spending time with God brings so much joy! So yeah, that's my new favorite thing. The only problem is watching out for other walkers - don't want them to think I am completely insane!
It seems all my blogs end with something about what God has done in my life or how good He is and well I guess, I just can't help it! He is so good! I could talk about God every second! That's why I love spending time with my friend Melanie. She feels the same way! Last week I had the realization just how much I loved the name of Jesus and how wonderful and beautiful it is!
Actually, something really cool has come out of my Tuesday train rides. I take the 12:28pm train every Tuesday from Gießen to Butzbach (the town where I teach). The second time I took the train I met a Pakistani-German woman. We had a really interesting conversation and now we meet weekly on the train. We only have a 10min talk or so before I reach my stop but it was so wonderful to meet her! I am still trying figure out if meeting people is really just random or if God has a plan and a purpose for every single person He puts in our way. I wonder.
Now that the snow has come (beautiful loads of it!), I have a new favorite thing to do. It's a bit cold and icy to go running so I enjoy taking brisk walks in the woods. I especially love when no one is around and I can just breath in fresh air and hear the silence of the woods. It is so peaceful! One time as I was walking along I decided that I would try praying out loud. I began quietly at first, but then I just started talking to God like He was walking right next to me. I just started pouring my heart out to Him and holding nothing back. One time I was talking to Him and realized I was not being completely honest about something. I started laughing because obviously He already knows what's really in my head! I love doing this. I feel so close to Him and my mind doesn't wander as it sometimes does when I just pray silently. When I have this time with God in the woods, afterward I always feel like singing and dancing! Spending time with God brings so much joy! So yeah, that's my new favorite thing. The only problem is watching out for other walkers - don't want them to think I am completely insane!
It seems all my blogs end with something about what God has done in my life or how good He is and well I guess, I just can't help it! He is so good! I could talk about God every second! That's why I love spending time with my friend Melanie. She feels the same way! Last week I had the realization just how much I loved the name of Jesus and how wonderful and beautiful it is!
Monday, November 15, 2010
God is so Good!
So, Lately I have been feeling a bit like I've been letting God down. I haven't been reading my Bible regularly like I should nor spending time just praying and talking with God. I've really been distracted with all the things that go on around me school, friends, parties, teaching, and other various activities. However, I have time to go on Facebook or watch a movie but always say, "I don't have time to read the Bible." Well, that's just crap. Just plain not true. I have time. If I used my time wisely I could have even an hour to spend with him let alone 20 minutes.
Two things that have struck me recently is that I find myself in circumstances or thinking things that I know would not be honoring to the Lord. For example, seeing someone being left out and not trying to include them but rather putting myself first. Another example, being at a party and maybe drinking just one beer too much. I realized that lately I have really been putting myself first when in fact, just as Christ did we should put others before us.
My Dad recently wrote me an email talking about how all the things I do are great but the most important thing I can do is spend time with Jesus. Again today, my mom send me an email about something she read about George MacDonald: “We will each take with us through death nothing but our inner selves, our souls_the essential character that is real me, the real you, which we have used the opportunities of life to become.” She went on to write that I need to take time to develop my "inner being" so to say. That only God can affirm who I am. Basically, when I don't spend time with God I am an empty shell. I am not letting Him down because he will always love me no matter what, it's more than I am damaging myself because I am letting something beautiful I could have with him slip away.
After reading my mom's email, I sat down and opened my Bible to James. Within the first chapter it states, "Consider it pure joy my brothers when you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and compete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him" (1:3-5).
It's amazing how God speaks directly to us through the Bible. I feel like I am faced with many trials, not in the kind that my life is endangered obviously, but there are little decisions I have to make every day and these little decisions really define my reputation as a Christian. But through these little decisions and through my mistakes I am learning to persevere in my faith even when it is challenged. It is through these things that our faith becomes real because it is through these things that we actually have to live out our faith. Also, I often find myself struggling with what I should do. Duh! God gives wisdom to those who asks without finding fault! I am so not alone! I don;t have to face all the little decisions that can become slippery-slopes on my own! God is so faithful, wonderful, good, loving and the list goes on! I am so thankful to Him and for his grace and for loving me despite how many times I fail. He just loves me because I am his daughter. Amen!
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