Last Exam in Germany...and it's Arabic

Well, I have an Arabic exam in about two hours and although I have gotten up early, as I sit at my desk, I realize that after studying all day yesterday there is really not much more I can do. Thus I might as well write a blog.

This exam is very significant because it's my last at Justus-Liebig Universität. After about 11:30am today I will be completely finished with the semester, only having to collect my Scheine (grade certificates) and turn them into the study abroad office. If all goes well that will be done by the end of the week. I have been in Germany 10.5 months - unbelievable. I will be leaving Gießen on July 28th, which is exactly 15 days from now. Actually, come to think of it...I will not have another full week in Gießen. Next week Mon-Wed I will be in France and then I leave the following Wednesday! Again, I say - unbelievable. If my Dad heard that he would say, "Abbey, believe it." I remember about two weeks before I left for Germany I was saying the same thing and that was his response. I think the reality of how short my time here is will sink in after my exam today.

I am actually quite nervous about this Arabic exam. I have studied a lot but I am worried that there will be vocabulary I don't know. There is a section where we have to translate from German to Arabic and that's the part that scares me. Otherwise, I am not worried. I thought it would be hard learning Arabic in German but actually half the time I didn't even realize I was learning a foreign language in a foreign language. Maybe it was because in comparison to Arabic, German feels like a native language!

The next month is going to be a transitional time of packing, saying goodbye, riding trains, saying hello to old friends, surviving airports and seeing my lovely family again. A bittersweet mixture. I really miss my sisters and can't WAIT to hug them (of course, Silas too)!

Well, I am going to look over my Arabic again. Next time I write, I will be done!

Reckless Abandonment

Running is my favorite time to pray and pour my heart out to God. It also seems to bring out the philosophical side to me, because I often find myself thinking deep thoughts. On one particular run, I was praying for three of my friends. My heart was full of love for them and a longing that they would come to know Jesus as I did. Then the thought came. A convicting and scary thought. Would I be willing to give my life for a friend if it meant that they would come to know Jesus? I paused in my run...still not sure where that had come from. I shakily prayed, "Lord, make me willing to do that." However, I stopped half-way through the prayer because I was terrified to pray such a thing.

Then, this morning I was reading John 15 where Jesus is talking to his disciples about being the vine and how they must remain in him to bear fruit. When I got to verse 13, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends," my thought from my run flooded back into my mind. Clearly, we are called to love like Jesus and that means we must be willing to lay down our lives for others.

Jesus says in Luke 14:26, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple." Wow. Being a disciple of Jesus is more than giving him your dreams, desires and futures. It is more than claiming you want to live for him and giving up the comforts of your life. Being his disciple means being radically willing to lay down your life, mirroring the pure and selfless love of Jesus. But to pray such a prayer? To ask Jesus to give you the boldness to have this kind of love? I think of Dietrich Bonhoeffer who was willing to give his life and did just that. I think of Jim Elliot who also lost his life in the rainforest of Ecuador for proclaiming Christ.

Am I willing to go that far? I want to say, "Yes Jesus! I am willing to go anywhere and follow you!" I desire that. But honestly, it scares me. It scares me to think that I might lose my life. But my prayer is that the Lord will give me this boldness to live in reckless abandonment for him. He says in Matthew 16:25, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."

Lord, supersede all else in my life. Teach me how to live in reckless, radical abandonment for you.