Goodbye for a While.

I have decided to create a new blog, where I can write about my life here in Milwaukee. I plan on going abroad again next year and I will use this blog again then. Hopefully, I will be much better about writing than I was during my last time in Germany.

So, goodbye blog. We will meet again when I embark on my next journey.

Sincerely,

Abbey

Last Exam in Germany...and it's Arabic

Well, I have an Arabic exam in about two hours and although I have gotten up early, as I sit at my desk, I realize that after studying all day yesterday there is really not much more I can do. Thus I might as well write a blog.

This exam is very significant because it's my last at Justus-Liebig Universität. After about 11:30am today I will be completely finished with the semester, only having to collect my Scheine (grade certificates) and turn them into the study abroad office. If all goes well that will be done by the end of the week. I have been in Germany 10.5 months - unbelievable. I will be leaving Gießen on July 28th, which is exactly 15 days from now. Actually, come to think of it...I will not have another full week in Gießen. Next week Mon-Wed I will be in France and then I leave the following Wednesday! Again, I say - unbelievable. If my Dad heard that he would say, "Abbey, believe it." I remember about two weeks before I left for Germany I was saying the same thing and that was his response. I think the reality of how short my time here is will sink in after my exam today.

I am actually quite nervous about this Arabic exam. I have studied a lot but I am worried that there will be vocabulary I don't know. There is a section where we have to translate from German to Arabic and that's the part that scares me. Otherwise, I am not worried. I thought it would be hard learning Arabic in German but actually half the time I didn't even realize I was learning a foreign language in a foreign language. Maybe it was because in comparison to Arabic, German feels like a native language!

The next month is going to be a transitional time of packing, saying goodbye, riding trains, saying hello to old friends, surviving airports and seeing my lovely family again. A bittersweet mixture. I really miss my sisters and can't WAIT to hug them (of course, Silas too)!

Well, I am going to look over my Arabic again. Next time I write, I will be done!

Reckless Abandonment

Running is my favorite time to pray and pour my heart out to God. It also seems to bring out the philosophical side to me, because I often find myself thinking deep thoughts. On one particular run, I was praying for three of my friends. My heart was full of love for them and a longing that they would come to know Jesus as I did. Then the thought came. A convicting and scary thought. Would I be willing to give my life for a friend if it meant that they would come to know Jesus? I paused in my run...still not sure where that had come from. I shakily prayed, "Lord, make me willing to do that." However, I stopped half-way through the prayer because I was terrified to pray such a thing.

Then, this morning I was reading John 15 where Jesus is talking to his disciples about being the vine and how they must remain in him to bear fruit. When I got to verse 13, "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends," my thought from my run flooded back into my mind. Clearly, we are called to love like Jesus and that means we must be willing to lay down our lives for others.

Jesus says in Luke 14:26, "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children - yes, even his own life - he cannot be my disciple." Wow. Being a disciple of Jesus is more than giving him your dreams, desires and futures. It is more than claiming you want to live for him and giving up the comforts of your life. Being his disciple means being radically willing to lay down your life, mirroring the pure and selfless love of Jesus. But to pray such a prayer? To ask Jesus to give you the boldness to have this kind of love? I think of Dietrich Bonhoeffer who was willing to give his life and did just that. I think of Jim Elliot who also lost his life in the rainforest of Ecuador for proclaiming Christ.

Am I willing to go that far? I want to say, "Yes Jesus! I am willing to go anywhere and follow you!" I desire that. But honestly, it scares me. It scares me to think that I might lose my life. But my prayer is that the Lord will give me this boldness to live in reckless abandonment for him. He says in Matthew 16:25, "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it."

Lord, supersede all else in my life. Teach me how to live in reckless, radical abandonment for you.

Faith Expressing Itself through Love

I have heard people say before that God speaks to them but I never really understood what they meant. They say he doesn't use words but he does speak in certain ways. Well, after visiting Israel and spending time in Palestine I can say that God spoke to me really clearly for the first time. And like people say it wasn't with words but with a strong conviction and an assurance in my heart of what direction to take in life.

While I was in Palestine I stayed with a couple who run a school in Hebron. I spent three days there just smiling and playing with the children, trying to communicate despite the immense language barrier. There is a section of the school specifically for the deaf and hard-of-hearing. I spent two days there and those children stole a part of my heart. They are so beautiful and precious and just need so much love. But they also have so much love to give in return! It was incredible. As I walked around the school and saw the children and how smart they are and how wonderfully God has made them I realized something. These children deserve the best. They deserve well-equipped teachers that challenge them and give them the chance to excel. From this realization came my decision to get a masters in education. I want to become the best teacher I can using all the resources God has given me to be able to go back and supply the teaching and education those kids deserve.

Another amazing thing that happened is that the couple who own this school said that after I graduate they would love to have me come back and teach! So, now I see a clear direction for my life. I don't want to get ahead of myself. Perhaps this school is not where I will end up but I know for sure that my heart is with children and my desire is to teach them, love them and give them a chance to expand their minds and nurture their talents.

I began my trip to Israel and Palestine with no expectations and left with a clear direction from God. I can truthfully say that God spoke to me - not in words- but decisively and undeniably. I am so excited for what the future holds with the Lord leading me. The last sentence from Galations 5:6 sums up all that is burning in my heart.

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Amen.

God has shown me a clear and practical way that I can love children. It's not only about holding them and playing with them but also about teaching and nurturing.

The First Semester Ends...

Today I officially finished the Winter Semester 2010/2011 at Justus-Liebig! It is so nice to be free and to not have to think about Klausuren or Hausarbeiten! The weather seemed to know how I felt and was sunny and warm. I went for a long jog in the woods. The air was so refreshing and I was almost too warm in my hoodie. I can feel spring in the air! It is so weird to think that already the winter has passed and so has six months here in Germany.

I have so many exciting things ahead of me in the next month! Mom and Dad are coming to visit a week from Friday. I have a bunch of things planned for them. However, I have kept it simple as I know they like it. Then the same day they fly back home to the USA, I am flying to Israel! The trip was very spontaneous and I don't think I thought it through much. I found a really cheap ticket, talked it over with Adam and parents and bought it! I don't really know what I am going to do or where I am going to go. All I know is that I have a ticket and I am going! Adam has tried to get me into contact with some people he knows there and I hope that goes through. Otherwise, I will be staying in youth hostels or couch surfing. I am excited and bit scared. I have never done anything like this before. Sure, I have traveled through Hong Kong alone and found my way from Frankfurt to Giessen. However, going alone into the Middle East without knowing anyone there really and having no plan is something totally different! I am not sure if I am being adventurous or just crazy!

I am looking forward to learning more about the conflict in Israel and perhaps beginning to understand what the people are going through. However, the thing that I am looking the most forward to is meeting new PEOPLE! One of the joys of my life is meeting new people and learning new things from them. The world is so full of wonderful people but I never cease to be amazed as I keep meeting them. I don't want this trip to Israel just to be a vacation. I want it to be an opportunity for me to love and bless people. I want to be able to share Christ with those I meet. In fact, I want the focus of my whole life to be about Christ and his Kingdom.

I recently have been reading a lot of Dietrich Bonhoeffer because I did research paper on him. He talked about how Christians often focus so much on themselves and their own sinfulness compared to God that they forget what being a Christian is really about - glorifying God and working for his Kingdom here on earth. Basically what that means is bringing glory to God by loving everyone around you so that they feel and come to know the love of Christ. Love is such a powerful thing and there is nothing the love of Christ can't heal.

Musings

Today I realized I haven't blogged in a while and so I thought I might procrastinate from my other work a bit and do so. Well, life in Gießen goes on. The days pass and are filled with wonderful people, speaking German, stressful situations, classes, tests, coffee, buses, trains, reading and praying. My life in Germany feels so normal. What I do every day is my "normal" and it is my daily routine in my "home." After living in a place 6 months I think I have the right to say that.

Sometime I think about Milwaukee fondly. I miss taking bus 60 to UWM and finding just enough time to squeeze in a cup of Alterra coffee. I also miss sitting in the Grind with my wonderful friends. However, my time here is also blessed and filled with many memorable things. Today I studied for an exam with two lovely girls and then took the bus to babysit. I babysit every Wednesday for a family from Benin. They have two sons, one is 5 and the other is 2 (I think). I had the most delightful evening with them! We sang songs, danced, read books (in German) and played with toys that made the loudest sounds. Then I had dinner with the family, during dinner the parents started singing a French worship song from Benin and those sweet babies started dancing! It was so precious I honestly can not describe it.

I know it's a long way down the road but I really do want children! I know that God made me to be a mother because he has given me such a love and compassion for children. I just want to love them the rest of my life. I am not going to my evening class tomorrow so I will be able to go to Cafe Hope! I am so excited because I have not been able to go this whole semester. I will be able to see the family I babysit for and be able to meet some new children! I am ready for this semester to be done. I have just three more exams and two more papers to write. One of the papers isn't due until March 31st but I want it done before that.

I am so thankful because God has given me such a joy for life these last days. When I really think about it, I should be so stressed out. Oddly enough though I find myself completely normal. Actually, I should say abnormal just because the normal for me is stressing out. :)

"He saves the needy from the sword in their mouth; he saves them from the clutches of the powerful. So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts its mouth."

Job 5:15-16

A Sunny Day in Gießen :)

Gosh, so many things to do and so many things on my mind! I have 6 exams coming up next month, a German presentation on Thursday, lesson plans to prepare, and ...probably a bunch of things I'm forgetting! Alas, this is the life of a college student especially one like me that doesn't know how to say "No, sorry I'm too busy." I think that learning to say "no" is a long way coming for me. However, between all the madness I am loving and enjoying life! I know that everyone has busy times in their lives once in a while. Today I realized that despite the craziness you can really enjoy every minute of it. It's a mind set I think. When I just decide that I am not going to let something stress me out it helps a lot!

My friend Kevin and I took a walk through the countryside today. It was a beautiful sunny day and the melted snow left behind a green grass bursting with life! Even though I had a lot to do I just couldn't stay inside! I never thought I would see such beauty in Gießen! No offense but it is not the most aesthetically pleasing place. Kevin and I just wandered around. We passed an old U.S. Army Depot and went into a little German town. We walked through fields with newly turned soil and sleeping orchards that I am sure yield delicious apples in the fall! We stopped to observe a noisy flock of hens and roosters. Kevin liked them more than me and snapped some pictures. It was so beautiful and the air was so fresh! It was then I realized how important it is to take time to enjoy life, to be still and not let your business overcome you. It was truly a wonderful time and a beautiful memory.

On another note, my family has been on my mind a lot. They are in Guatemala right now and will be there until Monday. This the first time my little brother and two little sisters have been outside the United States of America. I am so excited for them! I am praying they have a wonderful, blessed time and really learn a lot. Even though the time is so short, I think that it is such a good thing to be taken out of your own, familiar context and be placed somewhere completely foreign and new. Guatemala especially presents a stark contrast because it is different than anything they could ever see in Milwaukee. They are there visiting the family of a pastor that is very dear to our hearts. His daughter lived with us for 6 months about 10 years ago and recently their older son passed away in a horrific car accident. My parents felt strongly that they should go down there and be with the family. They felt a connection to them because of our loss of Caleb. I really pray they can be a blessing and I know beyond a doubt they will be blessed by the family as well. Being away from my family for almost 6 months now makes me realize, really realize with all my heart that I love them so much. They are my treasure in this world. I am so immensely blessed.